


Green Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

by Caesara



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Harry, Becoming a Parent Because Magic, Crying, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Green Eyes, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inexplicable trust, No really he is very abused, Not Really He's Too Good, Parody, Severitus | Severus Snape is Harry Potter's Parent, Severus Snape Adopts Harry Potter, Website: Potions and Snitches, lemon drops, you literally won't believe it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caesara/pseuds/Caesara
Summary: Severus and Harry had known one another for all of 40 minutes. However, they were now father and son. Harry who never had a parental figure before instantly began calling Severus “Dad.” And Severus who literally enjoyed verbally abusing children two hours ago, gave Harry a cute nickname like “Duck.” Meanwhile, Severus was obsessively staring into Harry’s eyes and plotting his own redemption arc.A parody of the beloved Snape-Adopts-Harry Potter trope.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 110





	Green Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

Part 1.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Harry Potter. Harry was abused. No, not just abused. He was tortured beyond belief. No seriously. You literally wouldn’t believe it.

Not only had Harry not eaten in an entire year, but he was 10 and looked like a 4-year-old, despite talking like a 20-year-old.

Harry was brutalized by his relatives. His Uncle Vernon—an excellent target for fatphobia—was his main torturer. His Aunt Petunia made him do many chores, but mostly Harry was seen weeding the garden every day for literally hours. Even though it was a muggle household, these were seemingly magical weeds that grew nonstop. Harry’s cousin Dudley was also rude and mean.

Harry did not even know his own name because he was called “Freak” so much, despite the fact that he had a tattered piece of paper hanging in his cupboard that said “Harry’s room.”

One day Dumbledore—whose opening line always involved a lemon drop—asked Severus Snape, the dour potions master, to visit Harry Potter’s home and check on him. There was likely a reason Severus needed to go, but I usually skip these descriptions, so who knows?

Anyway, Severus apparated to the Dursley residence and asked Dudley, a pig of a boy, where his cousin was. Severus snarled, because he is always snarling, when Dudley did not reply. 

Severus said, “Hello, Tuney,” and Aunt Petunia freaked out. Then there was a scuffle. Then Severus did magic on them. Then he opened up the cupboard under the stairs to find one Harry Potter who had green eyes.

Part 2.

Despite only knowing Severus Snape for literally two seconds and despite being so abused that he would surely have trouble trusting adults, Harry immediately loved Severus Snape, who attempted to upkeep his serious demeanor even though his heart was melting.

Meanwhile, Severus was obsessively staring into Harry’s eyes and plotting his own redemption arc. 

Severus took Harry to Madam Pompfrey at Hogwarts who “tutted” because that is a noise she liked making. Pompfrey ran a diagnostic scan and the paper was literally 20 meters long, because it explained every single thing that was wrong with Harry’s body. Luckily, Harry’s magic had saved him or else he would be dead.

Severus and Poppy, even though they worked with children for their careers, acted extremely unprofessionally during the exam. Poppy asked Harry to explain every minutia about his abuse to fill the reader in on any gore that didn’t fit into part one. Then Severus asked Harry why he didn’t tell anyone, because, despite being on a redemption arc, Severus still believed in victim-blaming children for their abuse.

Even though magic could do things like heal broken ribs and make people grow, magic inexplicably couldn’t fix Harry’s muggle-induced scars because they were “too old.”

After the gratuitous descriptions of violence against children, Severus flew into Headmaster Dumbledore’s office, who was wearing purple robes and eating candy. Severus demanded to know why Harry was left with the Dursleys. Headmaster Dumbledore did not give a satisfactory answer and mumbled something about how he thought the boy was pampered and the blood wards were important.

Severus, who was a highly intelligent man, believed Dumbledore’s excuses and then cried about Lily and her green eyes. Dumbledore, who saw Severus as a son, merely for the sake of paralleling his and Harry’s relationship in this story, informed Severus that the only way he could complete his redemption arc was to adopt Harry immediately. Severus weakly protested for like one line of dialogue and then agreed to this life-altering decision without discussing it with Harry.

Part 3. 

Severus and Harry had known one another for all of 40 minutes, however, they were now father and son. Harry who never had a parental figure before instantly began calling Severus “dad.” And Severus who literally enjoyed verbally abusing children two hours ago, gave Harry a cute nickname like “Duck.”

Harry had never really had a conversation with an adult before, besides being yelled at by his aunt and uncle. Inexplicably, he was a great conversationalist and did not sound like a 10-year-old at all.

No, really, he did not sound like he was 10.

The first thing Severus did with his new son was take him to Gringotts to see about his vault. The Goblin did a test on Harry, who, you guessed it, was actually named Hadrian and was ridiculously rich and powerful. Harry was the Lord of many noble lines and had lots of houses in different places.

Having grown up in abject poverty, Harry was not fazed by his newfound wealth.

Next up, Severus took Harry to the store to get clothes. Harry felt bad that Severus would spend money on him, but Severus told him that he was his dad now and so he would pay for the clothes.

[Insert details about every single item of clothing that was bought, including pants, trousers, shirts, boots, socks, and robes.]

Then Harry and Severus went to Severus’ house which was small but well-kept. Severus gave him a tour of the house and explained all of the rules Harry should follow. The rules were absolutely essential, because Severus had just acquired a new 10-year-old son and did not think to get childcare. So, while Severus was working during the day, Harry was just by himself in a strange house as a traumatized child.

Anyway, Severus and Harry got along swimmingly, despite the fact that Severus had never cared about anyone in the last decade and Harry had never been cared for at all. In fact, Harry was so glad to have a home he instantly forgot about the Dursley’s and his decade of severe child abuse, because Severus’ hugs were enough.

Severus remembered Lily’s green eyes, and said, “I will not fail you,” and instantly became a perfect parent.

Harry remembered that he loved Severus, because he had known him for a full two hours and said, “I love you dad.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love a good Severus-Snape-Adopts-Harry-Potter story. I’ve been reading them for a decade. This is all in good fun! Here are some of the wildest tropes of this subgenre that I, myself, have indulged in.


End file.
